I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
I can text with my tongue
he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
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