is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
Randomize
