We named our party play list daddy issues
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
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