i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
Randomize
