Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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