we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
