Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
I feel like death gave me a hand job
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
Randomize
