tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Randomize
