Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
You ate ashes out of my bong
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
Randomize
