I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Randomize
