do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
