a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
Randomize
