their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
Randomize
