He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
Randomize
