I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
Randomize
