...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Randomize
