Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize
