So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
Randomize
