Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize
