I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
Randomize
