Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
Randomize
