id be glad to
I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
Enjoy the penises
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
Randomize
