Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
Dude my mom stole all your condoms
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
