I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
