FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Randomize
