you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
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