I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
