mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
