why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
Randomize
