Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
This is classic penis vs brain.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
Randomize
