Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
