my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
I'm at about main and main street
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Randomize
