He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
my vag is so smooth its legendary
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
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