just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
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