Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
In other news, I just burned my penis
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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