question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
