mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
Why can't burritos get me drunk
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
Randomize
