I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
