Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Randomize
