Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Randomize
