I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
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