dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
Randomize
