You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Randomize
