Me. At least after what I've been through.
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Randomize
