His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize
