Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
Randomize
