hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
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