She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
Vodka?
Forever.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
