I must be too annoying 4 u.
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
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