his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Randomize
